I've continued to mull over the whole idea of identity and how that impacts my daily decisions. Mostly because I'm hoping that it will help me simplify the chaos. Of course, now that I'm done teaching for a few months, there is an automatic simplification. Now I am only a wife, mother, and pastor's wife. Taking one 40+ hour a week ministry away and things have gotten a bit simpler:) Still, I know that teaching will come again in the fall and I'm hoping to have a less stressful year next year. That said, I've continued reading and rereading two chapters in Thomas Merton's book that have intrigued me. Trying to wrap my brain around what he is saying and decide how much of it is true and applies to my situation has been a big task in and of itself. Right now I'm pondering these thoughts:
By finding my identity-who God created me to be, I am glorifying him. He created me (and everyone else) to be a specific person and this a representation of Him. This process is long and painful but will lead to me following God's path for me.
To work out our own identity in God is a labor that requires sacrifice and anguish, risk and many tears. It demands close attention to reality at every moment and great fidelity to God as he reveals Himself, obscurely, in the mystery of each new situation.
Our true self is the self that receives freely and gladly the missions that are God's.
So far I've come to these conclusions:
My identity is not only what I do, although there is a connection.
Discovering my identity is tied with discovering God and discovering God is tied with discovering my identity.
My identity as revealed through God should give me an infinite source of peace. However, the problems come when my true identity is clouded with a false identity based on what others say to and about me, what society says about me, what the church says about me, all the roles that I fill and the business of life. Yet, it is through these situations and people and roles that I can find my true identity if I pay close attention and remain faithful to God's voice.
Rainy Friday
I'm just sitting here at work waiting for Thomas to wake up from his nap and he and Aaron to come and pick me up. Because it's Friday and I'm totally burned out, I just can't bring myself to do work so I thought I would blog. I really don't have much to say except that it's nice to have a few minutes to sit and have peace and quiet. The school clears out pretty fast on Fridays. It's not quite 4 and school is out at 3:45 but I think I'm the only other person here except for the janitor! One advantage of having a completely chaotic life for the past several months is that I can really enjoy the simple things like 5 minutes to myself in a quiet building on a rainy Friday.
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